2 Fat Girls & 1 DD-Cup

WARNING: the following blog may or may not contain information, pictures, links, concepts, words, sentences and even whole paragraphs that your mama wouldn’t approve of. If you feel offended please forward all hate mail to Duncan, as he is the sole inspiration for the contents of today’s installment of Nibbly Pig.
Also, the following article has nothing to do with 2girls1cup or any other shock site. Unfortunately.
Thanks and love; Fry.

Not much of a set topic at the moment (or so I thought), but I’ve been inspired by a video a friend shot recently. (Seriously, check it out. )

I know I’ve talked about this previously, but, really, it’s becoming a real problem. If you’re overweight, please, PLEASE, recognise this, and wear things to suit your body type and shape. If I can do it, so can you – it’s really not that hard (because everyone knows how lazy I am).

A few years ago it was hard to find anything over size 14, and therefore more limiting to find good clothing if you were a bit bigger than others. Basically, if you couldn’t make your own clothes you were confined to a life of over-sized floral-fabric’d tents and massive pants. Yup, gross.
But now, there’s more of a range. ‘Experts’ reckon that it’s sending out the wrong message about being overweight (they can go fuck off – I don’t see many people complaining about all the size two clothing around, and this is not the point of this blog. I think larger people are equally beautiful).
Back to the point…
There’s more of a range nowadays, but it still seems like women are caught up in the past – especially teenagers. I’ve seen the most awful fashion for bigger women – stockings, (STOCKINGS! No, not just tights, actual underwear, stockings) as pants, tight singlets, skinny-leg jeans (read about me bitching about them here) and other atrocities I’m too mad to mention at the present. Even shoes – yes, shoes – can make you look fat.

Tips:
(Taken from ‘Trendy Outfits for Fat People‘. Flattering…)

  • Monochrome elongates the body
  • Dark muted colors will make you look thinner. Black is known for slimming down body shape in appearance, however other good color options are dark grey, deep silver, wine, burgundy, jade, russet, midnight blue, chocolate brown, cocoa and cranberry.
  • Colors depending on the style of your trendy outfit such as black, silver, grey, beige, taupe, gold, will not only make you appear taller but have you look much slimmer.
  • Long straight skirts/dresses are great for transforming appearance. Avoid tight garments around the bum if it is big. Tightness brings out bulges you didn’t know was there
  • Keep to fabrics that skim along the contour of your body and not clingy as this is disastrous for the fuller woman showing her every belly crease and bulges.
  • No matter how pretty the design/pattern a specific fabric is you must avoid wearing horizontal stripes. Vertical lines are best for short stout women.
  • Slight empire waist makes the lower body look longer.
  • Don’t wear different colored shoes to your trendy outfit, try and match them to the nearest shade of your dress or whatever.
  • High heels lengthen the look of the legs. (Told ya! No flats!)
  • Shapeless baggy clothes are not flattering.
  • Avoid styles with narrowly cut arms, necklines, tight inflexible waistlines.
  • You looking good will include you being comfortable: Tight and clingy is out.
  • Wear elastic waist garments (slacks and skirts.) Wear stretch jeans for comfort.

Then again you can be exactly like I used to be and just totally not give a fuck. Wahey for being yourself!

Ranting aside, I fucking love Beth Ditto! What a beautiful outgoing woman. I hope she truly does start her own fashion label.

Off the topic of being overweight, it’s basically impossible to find a good bra. Guys, unless you’re into meaningless girl-talk about underwear, skip this and scroll down to the delightful photograph of Jessica Alba I’ve added – yup, just for you!
Either way, Jesus Christ, it honestly is impossible! Walking into Myer’s underwear section only to find that they had placed the most ignorant girl at the desk – a ditsy woman by the name of Venus with a totally flat chest. Wow. Their undergarment sales are going to be through-the-roof this year – it’s like putting a pedophile at the front desk of the toy department (okay, different circumstances, but you get the idea.)
Makes me want to pay for breast reduction surgery.. Or we could it do at home. Who’s busy Saturday night?!
A link to my favourite brand of lingerie, if anyone’s interested. I’d kill to be able to afford them all.  (It’s also got the same name as me, sweet!)

Oh, and I almost forgot;

There ya go. ;)

2 responses to “2 Fat Girls & 1 DD-Cup

  1. Serious Spokesperson.

    All hate mail towards ME? Awwww, shucks. Thanks so much. ^_^

    Wonderful and informative. I’d link this to my mother, but I’m afraid she would kill me.

    - D

    • I was considering putting your e-mail on there until I realised you might sue me.

      Me and your ma should get together and discuss Jessica Alba’s amazing as- I mean, fashion…

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